I understand that my new nephew, Wesley Neil Swanson, may be born any minute now. It’ll be nice being an uncle again.

Even though I’m on the other side of the planet, I still expect some pictures. Okay, folks? 🙂

No sooner had I written my post about the time zones than I proved the point. The displays on the tram I took to the trade show were all one hour behind, having set themselves back on the original standard time date.

What a mess!

Today was another working day for me: my first day at Linuxworld Australia. It’s the first time that Linuxworld has done a show in Australia, and it shows. There are about forty exhibitors here, tops. It makes the 1999 Linux Expo show in Raleigh seem huge by comparision. That’s not an easy thing.

Even so, there were more exhibitors walking around than attendees. I could probably count on one hand how many decent leads we had today. When I would see someone walking up, often it would be people who had visited before. It was really, really slow. Not the kind of thing I would’ve expected from Linuxworld.

The vendor across the aisle brought in his sixteen month old daughter for a visit. I couldn’t look at her without thinking of my wonderful family back home. Instantly I became homesick. Sure I’m having fun but boy do I miss my family!

I was a keynote speaker here, which is a first for me. The organizers fit me into the last slot for the day. I spent some time working on my presentation and was ready to go when the time rolled around. At 4:45 I took the stage. While my laptop was being set up for the projector, I took a step towards a table and stepped into space instead. The old show business saying “break a leg” almost applied to me. I wasn’t hurt, so I took it as a good omen.

The show misplaced my bio, so I didn’t get properly introduced. The regular emcee was nowhere to be found so Brian, another show organizer of about retirement age, was there instead. The guy ahead of me took longer than his time so I began early. By the time I was ready to go, I looked out on rows of empty seats. Five people were in my audience.

Bummer.

I sighed, smiled, and jumped into things anyway.

My talk was short but sweet. I made the most of my twenty minutes, putting in some observations about geeks with talk of product features. I burned through fourteen slides, most of which were just there to dress up the blank screen behind me as I initially didn’t plan for any slides. I’d initially planned to show the demo site next but the lack of audience and the late hour made me end things first.

I got some applause. Then the meager audience dispersed and I was alone with Brian.

“No worries, mate,” Brian said to me. “We’ll get you a spot tomorrow or the next day. People often cancel.”

I smiled and wandered back to the booth, pleased with my presentation but depressed at the audience. The guys in the booth told me “nice job,” but it was little comfort.

Eventually I cheered up. The size of the audience was completely out of my control. You’ve got to play the cards you’re dealt, and I did the best I could with what I had. Perhaps I’ll get a better timeslot should another chance arise.

We all went upstairs to enjoy drinks and h’or deurves while Linuxworld presented their “best of show” awards to vendors. Gehan, Clinton, and I spent most of our time on the patio, where they smoked cigarettes and I took in the skyline.

Brian saw me wandering around looking for a beer. “No worries, mate,” he said again. “I’ll take care of ya.” Later I looked up from taking pictures of the city to see Brian making his way through the crowd, looking for me. Each hand held a beer, which he shoved into my hands.

“I told ya I’d take care of ya,” he said with a wink. I thanked him and grinned all the way back to the patio. That was just what I needed.

Gehan and Clinton didn’t feel like going out, so we then went our separate ways. I took the tram back to the hotel, where I spent two hours fighting the broken Internet service there. Finally throwing in the towel, I packed up my laptop (called a “notebook” here) and headed over to an Internet cafe owned by the marketing partner of my company. Now I’ve got a comfy couch to write on and a high-speed connection from which to upload pictures. Check out the gallery for the Linuxworld pictures.

The ubiquitous Jon “Maddog” Hall was there, as he usually is for each and every Linux trade show. I got my picture taken with him, just for fun.

In another interesting coincidence, a gentleman walked up to me at the party and introduced himself. His name was Mark Turner. Remember how I kept meeting Marks and the last trade show I attended? Now its the last name, too. I took a picture of the other Mark Turner and enjoyed chatting with him. You can’t help but like Mark Turners.

Tomorrow should be better at the show. I suppose people are beginning to notice, as I’m told over 2,000 online registrations were received today to attend the show. Hopefully there will be some good leads there. Just a couple of sales can make it all worthwhile.

Now its off to bed. Check in again in the morning, mate. Good on ya. Fair dinkum. Cheers, etc…

I’ve posted pictures from my weekend at Phillip Island in the gallery.

I should note that I just got the camera that took these pictures, a Nikon D50, and I love it! Snapping picture after picture is so addictive. I tended to go overboard with these shots, but you gotta admit that the scenery is so beautiful.

It’s Sunday morning. We’re out at Phillip Island, where there’s no broadband Internet so I wrote this on the back porch and posted it later. It’s a beautiful place, but I’ll get to that part soon.

Phillip Island is where Clinton’s family owns a beach house. He’d had been reluctant to add a rental car to the expenses he’s incurred so it looked as if we’d have to skip a visit. When I awoke in Melbourne it occured to me that a trip here would actually save the company money. There was no way a rental car would be more expensive than the $300AUD per night for a hotel. Thus the trip was on.

I called Clinton with the news, whereby he quickly made the arrangements for the car. While he did that, I wandered out to find breakfast and a speedy Internet connection. From a food court three blocks from the hotel I enjoyed a nice muffin and dirt-cheap VoIP calls to the States. It was around eleven when I walked back to the hotel.

Saturday was Clinton’s mother’s birthday, so we joined her and her best friend for lunch in the up-and-coming Docklands area of Melbourne. Ah, nothing like a noontime beer to make one feel part of the culture! We ate at a Mediterranean cafe on the water called Mecca Bah, where I enjoyed a garlic chicken kabob.

It was around 2 PM before we hit the road north. Clinton drove his mom’s well-worn Mercedes, his mom rode in the back, and I had the “suicide seat” up front, windows down to mitigate the 32*C autumn heat. For the first time since my visit started, I couldn’t keep my eyes open, so I dozed for ten minutes.

First stop was Clinton’s house, where he would pick up his laptop. He had locked his keys inside on his way out earlier that morning, so the actual first step would be getting into his house. His mom had helpfully given him a bag of keys she’d collected from her house, but none worked. To get inside, Clinton climbed through an open bathroom window. Ah, these hardy Aussies! Would the Crocodile Hunter walk through the front door? Crikey, no! He’d climb through the window, knife in his teeth, and wrestle with the window screen like it was an angry boa constrictor. Aussies don’t just walk through the door, mate. They live for the drama!

Clinton’s home was much like any single geek’s home: comfortable and full of gadgets of one sort or another. I was particularly proud of his room dedicated to geek pursuits: cables, computers, and electronics scattered from one end to another. Impressive!

We went from there to his parents’ home, five minutes away. There I met his dad, who gave me a look at the beautifully-restored, 50s-style antique car in his garage. Though I forget the name of the model, it was the first car built and sold in Australia. It even clocked distance in miles, rather than kilometers, which goes to show how old it is.

We had no time for a spin, however, so we took our rental car south to Phillip Island, arriving in a little over an hour. Along the way, I set up my newly-acquired Microsoft GPS and mapping software and was surprised to see it did cover Australia’s towns, if not the roads themselves. It was fun to see just how far south we were.

Arriving at Phillip Island, Clinton first took me to his favorite beach, which was farther than the beachhouse. We walked down thirty steps from a scenic cliff to the flat beach overlooking the Indian Ocean. The beach reminded me of one in America’s Pacific Northwest: high cliffs, rocky outcroppings, and few beachgoers out enjoying it.

The Indian Ocean! I couldn’t resist sticking my hand in it. It had been fifteen years since I’d sailed it and I thought I’d have to go to Perth to see it again. While it looked calm from the surface, I know its teeming with life. Lots of stuff unfriendly to man call the Indian Ocean home.

Getting to the beach house, we put our stuff inside and broke out the potato chips. I was getting a headache, so we ventured out to find some ibuprofen and dinner (it was 6PM or so). A visit to a convenience store got the pills I needed and directions to a good “fish and chipsery.” Off we went.

Clinton also had a headache at that point and wanted to get the fish “take-away,” but changed his mind once it was in hand. We sat at the wooden table outside while we watched a parade of tourists and locals descend on the restaurant. I marveled at our timing as we devoured two boxes of swordfish, “flake” fish, fries and vegetables. It was just what I needed.

We went back to the beachhouse and sat in front of the TV. We were killing time before Phillip Island’s “penguin parade” was to begin. On channel ten was the movie Matilda, starring Danny Devito. It was about a little girl with psychokenetic powers. Not too deep, but entertaining nonetheless. At least it seemed that way to this weary traveler!

Around 8:45 we went out to see the “penguin parade,” when dozens of penguins make their way up the beach to nest at a local wildlife park. It’s a very popular event with the tourists: there were over 2,000 people there to see the penguins make their long waddle out of the surf and into the dunes. We timed out trip to occur near the end of the parade when the penguin/people ratio was a bit more favorable. There were still throngs of people along the dimly-lit boardwalk though the dunes on either side were alive with chittering penguins.

Squinting in the dark, we could make out penguins here and there among the dunes. They would simply be standing there, backs turned to the crowd, seemingly happy to snooze among all the attention. It wasn’t like Seaworld where they’d do backflips or anything. After five minutes of watching a penguin sleep, you’ve pretty much seen it all.

We did see penguins waddling here and there. A half-dozen splashed out of the water when we went to the beach end of the boardwalk. They made their way up the dunes with surprising quickness. Others waddled next to the boardwalk as we made our way back out of the park.

No photography was permitted there so unfortunately a written description will have to suffice.

We went back to the beachhouse and straight to the backyard, where the most incredible show was taking place: the night sky. It was so dark on Phillip Island that galaxies were plainly visible with the naked eye. We sat in the darkness and took it all in. Surprisingly, in the half hour we were out there, I didn’t see one satellite pass by. Not even one manmade vehicle, in fact. It was stars and planets, as far as you could see. Absolutely beautiful. After taking that in, I bid goodnight to Clinton and retired to my room, where I read a book until about 11.

When I woke up in the night, I was astounded at how dark it was. We were out at the beach on a sparsly-populated island. The nights were dark. Of course, the awning was pulled over the window, too, which I didn’t realize until morning, but regardless it was dark. I’m not used to sleeping in such darkness and silence.

My alarm clock this morning was the unusual bird calls from the local birds. No robins or chickadees here: it was squawking seagulls and birds I couldn’t identify. Part of the fun of Australia is the sound of it. You know you’re someplace exotic even with your eyes closed.

Once Clinton was awake we went out for breakfast, heading to the Euphoria Gallery Cafe in town of Cowes. As we ate bacon and eggs, I read the travel section of the newspaper. The writer was visiting Tuscany, and described a cafe in Volterra that I visited this time last year. It was fun thinking of that fascinating, fun visit while I was enjoying this one.

We walked through the tourist shop and then went out to the pier, where I took pictures of the gorgeous coast. Then we went to see The Nobbies. No, it’s not a strip bar. It’s a group of rock outcroppings just off the shore. It was here that reconfirmed my comparison to the Pacific Northwest coast. The rocks looked similar to the ones I’ve seen on the beaches of Oregon.

We wandered along the walkway. I took pictures of everything imaginable, as there was fantastic scenery everywhere I looked. Some other tourists were looking under the boardwalk at something which turned out to be penguins. The park rangers had built little coops for them under the walkway. I took my only penguin pictures here.

We debated going to see the koalas at the koala reserve but decided to head back to the Melbourne airport. Good thing, too, as we checked in about twenty-five minutes before our scheduled departure. Fortunately for us the flight was delayed half an hour, so we spent the time in the food court.

Back in Sydney we waited for my bags, then we took the train into town. I realized after a few stops that I could have walked to my hotel from a previous stop, so I parted with Clinton and checked into my hotel. He’s off to get his car before meeting me for dinner, which will happen any time now.

I’m in Sydney for the rest of my trip. I’ll miss the Melbourne area. I didn’t see as much as I wanted to, but what I did see was spectacular. It all means I’ll have to spend more time here on a future trip.

I’ve uploaded more pictures from my trip here. These are of the certification classes from Sydney and Melbourne, so you don’t get much view of the cities themselves. In fact, the main feature of these pictures is my oversized, Charlie Brown-style noggin.

I’m off to take more interesting pictures now. Check back in about twelve hours for more shots.

In my attempt to write some amusing observations about Australian culture, I neglected to mention the day’s activities.

I met Naomi from the corporate office here at 8:30 this morning. We drove over to a place she said served the best coffee in Melbourne, a worthy coffee indeed in light of the large Italian contingent which lives in the city. We then walked over to our first (and, it turns out, only) customer meeting of the day.

I was there to provide technical resources to this particular customer. It turns out this happy customer really didn’t need any. He figured out things himself and couldn’t have been more pleased with the product. We left him after a half hour of pleasant conversation and headed back to our office.

The customer meetings planned for this afternoon didn’t pan out, as the short notice of my arrival here didn’t allow for much certainty. Instead I spent the afternoon at the office, configuring my VoIP client and answering emails.

The office here is a small thing. Only three employees work out of it. Two of those employees were away today. You would think this would have made it a nice quiet refuge today. Of course, you would be wrong.

The telephone literally rang off the hook! Naomi took one call after another, most of them orders for our new product. Her lunch was actually cold by the time she got around to eating it! It was absolutely crazy. I couldn’t stop chuckling at the response. I’ve been doing this for three years now and this response beats all I’ve ever seen.

To say the presentations of this week were wildly successful would be an understatement. The response has far exceeded my expectations. I’m really excited at the momentum that I helped build for the product, though all the credit goes to the great team here in Australia. I’m glad to have been here and to have helped get things going.

One thing about Australia is that it takes a long time for things to get here. To just visit takes fourteen hours by air and weeks by sea. Indeed, its one of the most remote places on earth.

One thing that surprised me is that, due to Australia’s position below the equator (or some other phenomenon not well understood), entire decades have simply disappeared. You see, the 1990s and 2000s never made it to the Land Down Undah. Here it is still the Eighties.

You get a taste for this right away on the radio. Men At Work, a band that flew to the top of the American pop charts before quickly boomeranging back to Oz, can be heard every hour on any station of your choosing. This will be followed by one by Kylie Minogue [Warning: annoying Flash music] or even the Bee Gees. It’s nothing short of scary.

The craft brewing craze of the 1990s never arrived, either. I’ve been in a half-dozen drinking establishments and not once have I had a decent craft beer. I did enjoy a Guinness, but that’s as foreign to these shores as I am. Aussies are quick to say they don’t drink Fosters, but what they do drink isn’t much better.

That wonder of modern navigation and one of mankind’s greatest inventions, the Global Positioning System (GPS), is just now appearing on store shelves, only thirty years after it was first implemented. Not that it matters, though. There are no electronic maps of the cities here, anyway. No Mapquest nor Google Maps. The closest thing is Street Directory and it doesn’t even give directions.

Australia is home to supermodels like Elle MacPherson, yet fashion is stuck in the 80s. Young men walk around with their shirt collars flipped up. Women walk around with oversized sunglasses. I saw no parachute pants, thank goodness. Perhaps they got stopped at customs.

The Internet made it to Australia but most hotels provide their guests the retro 80s experience of dialup speeds. The idea of flat-rate access never arrived here, either. In fact, internet access in Australia may actually be regressing. Aussies call telephone poles “telegraph poles,” after all.

The biggest Eighties flashback came on my way back from dinner tonight. I walked up to a group of Asian teenagers kicking out the jams with a ghetto blaster. Getting closer, I couldn’t believe my eyes. They were breakdancing! For a moment I truly was back the Eighties. I even looked around for time-traveling DeLoreans or shrimp tossed on barbies.

So next time you think of Australia, think of Crocodile Dundee, the Bee Gees, and all that goes with them. That’s what life is still like here because the Eighties live on in the Land Down Undah.