So we’re moving this week, right? We’ve been going down the list of things we need set up for the new house. I’ve taken ownership of getting our Internet connection going at the new digs.

We use Earthlink over Time Warner’s cable. Up until now, it’s been no sweat at all. Since our mail goes through our home mailserver, changing email addresses is not an issue. Time Warner still mails us a bill, only it’s $29.99 per month rather than $45 (Time Warner’s rate).

In other words, things were sweet as long as I didn’t need to contact them.

So the other day, I begin the process of switching things over. An Earthlink voice menu directed me to a webpage with detailed instructions for moving. I spent 15 minutes filling out all the appropriate blanks. Well, that’s that, I thought.

Poking around the “order status” page didn’t list any move requests, so I was back on the phone yesterday. After wading through more voicemail menus, I get connected to a person who sounds distinctly foreign and seems to have trouble hearing me.

Oh great. I’m talking to India, I thought. No big deal, I’ll just proceed as normal.

I give the woman my move information and account information. She asks for my new address, which I provide. She then checks to see if cable is available there, after I swear up and down that it is and there’s no need to check. Five more minutes go by on the phone before she pops back on and confirms that, indeed, cable service is available at the new house. Thanks for letting me know that, miss.

Another delay or two goes by. She tells me I need to return my cable modem and begins to give me the number for Time Warner.

“Excuse me, but I don’t need to turn in my modem. I’m just moving across town,” I tell her.

“No, you need to call us and let us know when you’ve returned it, or else we’ll have to bill you $21.95.”

“Uh, ok,” I say, humoring her as best I can.

She then puts me on hold again before transferring me to their sales department to “establish new service.” Another few minutes go by while I’m transferred.

Some American chap in the sales department picks up. I explain I’m moving and need to get service established.

“Please hold while I transfer you to our customer service department.”

Oh no. Back to India. Click! I hang up and plot my next move.

An hour later I’m ready to try again. I call the same number and apparently get the same foreign woman. Though she sounds eerily like the last woman I spoke with, she has no recollection of my details. We go through the same script as before, with exactly the same outcome. Except I don’t wait for the sales guy to pick up this time.

My next move is to call Time Warner, since they handle billing and seem to actually have a clue about moving people.

Immediately, a man named Wil picks up. He seems to have mindreading skills, almost finishing my sentences for me. He sets me up with overlapping service: turned on at the new house on Thursday, turned off here on Monday.

So, to summarize:

What it took Earthlink to not solve my problem:
One web visit, two calls, two continents, and over an hour on the phone.

What it took Time Warner to solve my problem:
One call lasting two minutes and fifty four seconds.

Do the math.