I found this on another website and thought it was funny. If you’ve ever been in the Navy you’ll recognize these.
How to Simulate Being a Sailor
- Buy a steel dumpster, paint it gray inside and out, and live in it for six months.
- Run all the pipes and wires in your house exposed on the walls.
- Repaint your entire house every month.
- Renovate your bathroom. Build a wall across the middle of the bathtub and move the shower head to chest level. When you take showers, make sure you turn off the water while you soap down.
- Put lube oil in your humidifier and set it on high.
- Once a week, blow compressed air up your chimney, making sure the wind carries the soot onto your neighbor’s house. Ignore his complaints.
- Once a month, take all major appliances apart and then reassemble them.
- Raise the thresholds and lower the headers of your front and backdoors, so that you either trip or bang your head every time you pass through them.
- Disassemble and inspect your lawnmower every week.
- On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, turn your water heater temperature up to 200 degrees. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, turn the water heater off. On Saturdays and Sundays tell your family they use too much water during the week, so no bathing will be allowed.
- Raise your bed to within 6 inches of the ceiling, so you can’t turn over without getting out and then getting back in.
- Sleep on the shelf in your closet. Replace the closet door with a curtain. Have your spouse whip open the curtain about 3 hours after you go to sleep, shine a flashlight in your eyes, and say “Sorry, wrong rack.”