After a month of filling my head with non-stop Christmas music, I’m an expert on the genre. As my Christmas gift to readers of MT.Net, I’m going to reveal the secrets to making your own Christmas hit. Just remember me when you cash your first phat royalty check.
What makes a great Christmas song:
- A snippet of melody from another Christmas hit.
- Sleigh bells. Can’t get enough of ’em.
- Non-stop, drooling, mind-numbing repetition.
The melody that gets stolen more often than not is “Jingle Bells.” You can throw together any random notes and call it a song as long as you have the “jingle-all-the-way” melody tacked onto the end. Bruce Springsteen’s Santa Claus Is Coming To Town has it the end, though it would be a classic regardless. No one will ever record a better Santa Claus Is Coming To Town than The Boss.
James Taylor, no slacker musician, recorded Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas. It is in the classic James Taylor style: just the right amount of emotion. It’s got sleigh bells but is a little lacking in repetition. At the end, Baby James manages to tacks on a quick Jingle Bell melody, which pushes him over the top.
Some songs go even further in appropriating other songs. Brenda Lee sings an excellent Rocking Around The Christmas Tree. It’s got the sleigh bells. The song bounces along nicely and includes “deck the halls with boughs of holly” right in the chorus.
Mel Torme. I try to like him, I really do. I admire anyone who can make a decent living writing music. Naming your song The Christmas Song, though, is just too pretentious. The song itself is good enough, but it never felt completely honest to me. I can imagine Mel laboring over it for months, searching for just the right word. It seems too formulaistic to me.
The Christmas songs I like best are the ones that fit the band. Bruce’s Santa Claus Is Coming To Town becomes a Springsteen song, plain and simple. Bruce’s cover of Merry Christmas, Baby is an absolute turkey, though. It’s just him shouting “Merry Chritmas, Baby” over and over. At least it has sleigh bells and repetition going for it.
The Eagles’s original Bells Will Be Ringing is a fine example of Christmas songwriting. Its simultaneously a Christmas song and an Eagles song. Its exactly the kind of yuletide ditty you’d expect from The Eagles. No stolen melodies, sleigh bells, or repetition, though. Luckily, it doesn’t need any.
There are some artists that can’t be saved by any amount of melodies, sleigh bells, or repetition. If I hear Madonna sing Santa Baby one more time, for instance, I’ll toss my Christmas cookies. Its a song that demands subtlety. Madonna wouldn’t know subtlety if it tapped her gently on the shoulder. (I was going to say “smacked her in the head,” but that wouldn’t be subtle, would it?)
Christmas songs come in all shapes and sizes: traditional carols, standards, and cheezy pop trash. Perhaps the best thing about Christmas music is that you only hear it once a year.