in Checking In, Follow-Up

Gerry’s funeral

Some of Gerry's many friends

When I was making up my list of Highlights of 2009 at the end of last year, one of my runner-up items was that none of my friends or family had died all year. The death of Gerry Reid on March 1st changed all that, of course. While I didn’t specifically blog about the healthy year, I did allude to it by calling it dull.

Saturday morning, Kelly and I put the kids in the able hands of good friends and rushed out the door to the service at Asbury United Methodist Church. The stated attire was casual, befitting Gerry, so with my jacket and collared shirt I wore socks and sandals. Kelly had socks and sandals with her but opted not to wear them with her dress. We grabbed lunch at the nearby Harris Teeter and ate it in the church parking lot while we watched other guests make their way into the church. Once our lunch was done we also made our way into the church, joining the parade of friends who knew Gerry. There were plenty of socks and sandals present as well as hockey jerseys, kilts, and other Gerry-style attire.

Official attire

Inside the door was a room to the side with “The Reid Family” on the door. Dad walked up and said hello. We chatted for a bit and I invited him to sit with us but he opted to sit alone. We stepped into the family room and mingled with the family and friends of Gerry.

Mandy was there on the couch with some kids in her lap. She was dressed in a cheerful white shirt and khaki pants but her eyes told the real story of how she was feeling. Moving around the crowded room, occasionally a guest would lean over and whisper their condolences to Mandy.

A few faces showed up that I hadn’t seen in years. Our old friend John Creamer walked up and said hello. John had been Gerry’s roommate for a number of years but drifted apart from the crew many years ago. It was good to see him and chat with him for a moment. Mike Spinak was there with Katherine and he looked really down. His dry sense of Philly humor was in noticeably short supply.

Shortly after we arrived, Kaye Chitsaz rounded people up because the service was starting. A line formed outside of the sanctuary door with the immediate family in the front. We fell in line with everyone and walked up the aisle.

I was amazed at how many people were present. The sanctuary had been set up for 700 guests and still there weren’t enough seats for everyone! I felt waves of loving energy pass through me as we walked to our seats.

Then I caught a glimpse of the photos of Gerry lining the stage and began to sob.

I do not want to be here, I thought. I do not want to be here.

Time passed quickly. Pastor Terry, who was so comforting at the hospital, welcomed everyone. Scott and Erin arrived while Candace Chitsaz sang a beautiful song. Gerry’s parents said a few words, his brother Matt said a few words, his brother David said a few words, and Mandy also said a few words. Throughout them all I wept quietly and clutched Kelly’s hand. She had a look of profound sadness, too: one I had never before seen.

Program

The Grateful Dead’s Birdsong signaled the end of the service. Filing out I passed Dad, who offered his hand. I shook it and smiled before continuing out to the lobby.

Once in the lobby I milled around a bit with the others, saying hello to old friends. A good number of the folks that Gerry and the rest of us worked with at Pioneer Software (later Q+E) were present at the service. I said hello to Julia Trimmer, Tim Sampair, Ed Hintz, Brian Reed, and Marlea Doane. Jeff’s once-girlfriend Kathleen was there, too. Others present included my brother David and Tanya, Anne Courie-Meulink and Marco Meulink, Lou and Diane Yusko, Bill Ramsay and Janet Mobley (both with sandals!), Keith and Carla Bolick, Howard and Cristin Brand, and Brennan Buckley. This is in addition to the large contingents from Gerry’s friends from Richmond, his many hockey teammates, and many of his BD coworkers. I chatted with many of them as we waited for the receiving line to die down.

Receiving line

The receiving line was incredibly long, to the point that we gave up on saying hello to Mandy (we would see her later that day, anyway). Instead, we signed the guest book and chatted some more. I said hello to Gerry’s brother David before surveying all the photographs lined up along the rails. David told me again how much he appreciated the online sites I had set up.

It was well past 3 PM by the time Kelly reminded me that we were needed at the memorial party. We headed out of the church with a cup of lemonade in my hand, on our way to the thing Gerry really wanted to be remembered by: a party. We would throw a proper one in his honor.

To be continued.