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Take These Cliches, Please!

Here’s a partial list of stupid business cliches I wish would just go away. I’m thinking of devoting a whole page at MT.Net just to stupid business cliches that should go away.

  • Touch base: You touch my stuff … and I’ll kill ya.
  • On the same page: Who’s page? Don’t we have “paperless” offices now?
  • Gut check: This is business, not rugby, tough guy.
  • Heads-down: This one isn’t worn … yet.
  • Bottom-line everything: What, am I a spreadsheet now?
  • Going/moving forward: This one always makes me think of Dan Quayle. Bless his heart.
  • Reinvent the wheel: Come on! There are millions of inventions since the wheel. Can’t you think of something else to reinvent?
  • Skinny: On a slippery slope to being worn.
  • Slippery slope: Had to throw that in there. Heh.
  • Out of pocket: Keep away from my base and stay out of my pocket!
  • End user: What other kind of user is there? Try “user” instead.
  • Level set: Trendy is another name for becoming worn.
  • Skill set: Set this, set that. Just say “skills.”
  • Solution set: Ditto.
  • Put the cart before the horse: Long after horses and carts have been put out to pasture, this one’s still kicking.
  • Plant the seed: Not too annoying, if used sparingly.
  • Opening a can of worms: Acceptable if you alternate occasionally with “slippery slope.”
  • Ping: It has its place…if you’re a dweeb.
  • Add value: This one is soooo second millennium.
  • In this space: Spaces, bases, pockets. Oh my!
  • Bring to the table: Stop it before it kills again.
  • Mindshare: This is code for “I have no clue what I’m talking about.”
  • Leverage: A buzzword-bingo winner every time.
  • Interfaced: Nothing says “I’m a geek” than slipping this one into conversation. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
  • Seamlessly: This one drives me nuts. Nothing, and I mean nothing in the computer industry is seamless. It’s a myth. Give it up.
  • Vision: The CEO of a dot-bomb I once worked for kept being called “visionary.” I was smart to head for the exits.
  • Cycle back: Acceptable in geek company, but overuse could put it on the Endangered Cliche list.
  • Arena: No one’s duking it out in the Roman Coliseum here. Time to hang up the gloves, champ!
  • Utilize: There’s a better, shorter word which means the same thing: “use.” Saying “utilize” makes you look like a puffed-up buffoon.
  • Greatest thing since sliced bread: Sliced bread was invented in the 1920’s. What was the greatest thing before sliced bread? Has nothing progressed since the 1920’s? Is there nothing greater?

That’s all for now, though I’m sure there’ll be more. If you or anyone you know spouts any of these, please: seek help immediately!

  1. my new favorite… “honey pot”

    MT.Net is a honey pot for a whole ‘lot of nothing

  2. Nothing made Jerry Seinfeld a billionare. Nothing can make me a billionare, too!

  3. Jerry Seinfeld made a billion dollars out of nothing. Nothing can make me a billionare, too!

  4. Architected – Double-speak for “designed”. Unless you’re making a building, you aren’t “architecting” anything.

  5. You can’t have a good list of over-used MBA reject terms without including classics like:

    Value Proposition-by far, the king of over-exposed…this phrase is brought up more often that Britney spears at a shriner’s convention.

    Green field Opportunity-What…is the Fed chairman involved in your project

    SOW-just say SCOPE OF WORK or STATEMENT OF WORK a SOW is a female pig.

    Value Add-similar to the “add Value” listed above but it seems that MBA programs are teaching this phrase as a NOUN rather than a descrptive adjective.

  6. let us not forget this beauty:

    Sync Up- use in a sentence: You and I should sync up for lunch sometime soon.

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